I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. These may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate. He told his aide, They landed and I went up to the leader and greeted him in peace. I was born in 1846, he was born in 1946. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!, The President was in his bunker trying to figure out where the first contact went wrong. "Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days." 27. Many of the president president obama puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. The Marine looked at the man and said,"Sir. He considered this for a moment and replied: When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.. 4. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir.". "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" Err sorry, typo. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. "Comrade President! 9. Which would you like to hear first? The Devil lets them know, however, that each morning, they must eat. In a booming voice Stalin asks, "WHO DID THAT?". We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America. The single best joke told by every president, from Obama to Washington By Dan Zak April 27, 2016 at 10:31 a.m. EDT Ike, Dick, Bill, Barack, Ron and George enjoy a good laugh. . God agrees. Don't miss these family friendly jokes shared by our readers. They took him seriously "That too has been taken care of. "Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all." Where does Batman go to the bathroom? 10 Best Chris Christie Jokes Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings: Replace your glasses and check camera for damage. He pasta way. There's no punchline here. The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins. That is the joke. Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. You can explore presidential reelect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. Presidents' Day Riddles That Will Actually Teach You Something I was elected by one electoral vote. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. Top 10 Funny Animal Jokes for Kids - Vol 2. After a Beer Festival in London, several brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Stupid Jokes are Good for the Soul. I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions. See more ideas about funny, bones funny, funny quotes. For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. 31 Short jokes Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners. Now do you know why his father didnt punish him? Little Johnny replied, Because he still had the axe in his hand.. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. or We suggest to use only working presidential presidential election piadas for adults and blagues for friends. The teacher asks the class why God created man first. We're successful." The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. skynesher. The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses. We're an empire. As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican. "What the hell is this green circle with yellow spots all over?" "Just over here is Abraham Lincoln's clock. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. "You can?" Adult jokes are awsome !!! What did the left eye say to the right eye? 24. Dont miss these hilarious cartoons about politics and money. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell? Abraham Stinkin. Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He says You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? He accomplished this by creating the Space Force. The German doctor replies: "That's nothing. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. An egotist, a feminist, and a Socialist walk into a bar. I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?" Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States". With the 2020 U.S. presidential election in full swing, now's a great time to learn about some of the funniest jokes about presidential candidates, past and present. When he got there, he was met at the door by a Marshall, who pulled him aside and whispered The President is a very busy man, and he only has the time for a single word from you, so think it over, and choose your word wisely!. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Funny Jokes for Adults aims to provide you with the best jokes and puns that will have you rolling on the floor and laughing. Jesus says "that's Mother Teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied.". A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100. "**, The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. How did George Washington speak to his army? Then she changed the channel to the presidential debate. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. Trump says, Oh! Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. How are foreign affairs? Act! ", "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir.". Tim places a lock on the package and sends it to Mel. But even worse is that he only finished coloring one of them! ** The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! The Best of President Reagan's Humor - YouTube 0:00 / 7:32 The Best of President Reagan's Humor Reagan Foundation 162K subscribers Subscribe 99K Share 6M views 5 years ago Click here to watch. (AP; Larry. Top 10 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes - Vol 2. Now, what did you say was the bad news? Jill replies, Oh, he will have the same. 6. Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting . The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates." A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure. So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. The quiet kid. The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour. Berman and Bernard served as White House Social Secretaries, under Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama, respectively. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? Really, really, really old. I asked my daughter if she knew what today was. All rights reserved. The clown interviewed for a balloon job, but sadly he blew it. "Mister President, we've been over this". Featured. He said, Oh boy, lets go buy a President!. No seriously guys he's not my president. It helps lower blood pressure and reduces feelings of pain and tension. Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. From Groucho Marx to the Borscht Belt to Sarah Silverman, many of America's best-known comedians have been Jewish. 30+ Funny Presidents' Day Jokes For Washington's Birthday! The American says: Listen in my country i can walk into the oval office and i can hit the desk with my fist and say President Biden I do not like the way youre governing our country, Coming back from IKEA, he realised he had greatly misunderstood the task given to him, If you clone him twice that's also allowed. Because he wanted people to look up to him. His humongous balls keep getting stuck in the doorway. We cannoli do so . - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. Bill Clintons asks excitedly: Do we have time?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Liked these presidential jokes? Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. Advisor: You won the election! What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? The Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or American Hell. There's no punchline here. Click here for more information. Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." Here are inspiring quotes about democracy. What is it? exclaims the President. His father told his son to come with him to get a whipping. In 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt hosted a good old-fashioned wiener roast when King George VI and Queen Elizabeth visited the U.S. in 1939. And so important is humor to Jewish culture that a landmark study on American Jewish identity in 2013 found that 42 percent of American Jews consider "having a good sense of humor" to be "an essential part of what being Jewish means." (In contrast, only 19 percent said . I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law. There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. A-N. 1948. Q: Why does Hillary want to have s** with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?A: She wants to be the first lady. 108 Adult Jokes 8 Airline Jokes; 265 Animal Jokes; 14 Baby Jokes; 78 Bar & Drinking Jokes; 100 Best Jokes; 65 Blonde Jokes; 9 Business Jokes; 7 College Jokes; Stupidity is always funny! We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? Because he never lied. Obama, Hillary Clinton and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. "65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender. Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get? Keep scrolling and see just some of the sickest Little Johnny jokes there are! The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?. the silver medal in the 2020 U.S. Presidential race! Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. "Big deal," Viktor says, "I can do that too." What is Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Putin: The good news of course. A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach? Lord Farquaad is a clever way to mock an old boss. The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. Jokes About Presidents: Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Probably not two terms though. Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington? He committed Valley Forgery. Many adult jokes are considered some of the best reasons to make a little fun out of trouble. Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true. TODAY co-hosts' kids tell jokes for . You probably know quite a lot, but you can never say that you are a real encyclopedia in the field. I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time. A pork chop. Washington's Birthday, commonly known as Presidents' Day There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. George Burns. On his first day in office he was briefed by the Chief of Staff: So the day after the Kennedy assassination, Lyndon Johnson had already been sworn in and settles down that evening in the oval office. Was my hair okay? He said, OK. The "Ha Ha" award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly busy time at work. A: Baggawk Obama! I live in the UK now and noticed that the British arent as optimistic as Americans. 8. Knock, knock. Taxi driver says I know that you fucking prick, where are you going? Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. The boy asks him what he's going to do with all that cow poop. Are you an idiot? Who was the youngest US president? BABE Lincoln. Because their job is in-tents. "I was married to her for 35 years.". **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! What did Abe Lincoln put on his pancakes? Lincoln Log Cabin Syrup. Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son." Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. ** According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. 1. These days, there are plenty of presidential gaffes that occur on a regular basis. And if they do make you think, we apologize: we know you dont want to think. "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired. When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." These are the White House history facts you missed in class. A local council debate was becoming increasingly heated. "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." They immediately ran back back to their ship, and started their assault.. You might see a new one every four years or so. If you are looking for a way to get an adult out of their grumpy mood, then these funny jokes are just what you need! President: "Then OK.". Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. "Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous." Everything is good." He shockingly asks the doctor touting with him why this patient is doing this with the door wide open. Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy! Why was the tomato blushing? Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson! She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. Mel places one of her locks on the package and sends it back to Tim. What do you call a pig that does karate? The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank." Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. 3. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. We recommend our users to update the browser. St. Louis' home of Education. They both got beaten by a kid named Johnny. Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? Barackoli! I'll have him hanged! ", says the boy. Mummies don't go on vacation, why? Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head. Get ready to share some laughs! Q: Will health care be different under Barack Obamas new reforms? Biden responded, "Depends". Donald Trump's resume when he applied to be a presidential candidate. Any problems currently being faced?" And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?". What important historical fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore? The best American Presidents were stoned. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_6',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); Q: What did Osama Bin Ladens ghost say to Mitt Romney? these hilarious cartoons about politics and money, the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents, the presidents with the highest IQ scores, the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. "I've been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can't get any of the pieces to fit!" Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted. I meant to shout Donald, duck! He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,"I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." Which rock group has four men who dont sing? Mount Rushmore. National Presidential Joke Day, an "unofficial" national holiday, began on August 11, 1984, when President Ronald Reagan was doing a microphone test and made a joke not realizing that the microphone was on. She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office! **Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great! It lifts our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and sadness. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. George Washington who?!! I dont think I can do that, says Trump and goes back to sleep. They all sit down at the bar and order drinks. That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump. I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing. \*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. 11. So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. So I turn off the lights while reading presidential tweets. My Town Tutorsis a great resource for parents & teachers. M ost presidents understand that making fun of themselves is endearing.. If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? This is how politics works. Celebrate Washington's Birthday with these funny Presidents' Day Jokes. Exspearamint. The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway. 16. This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. If you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what would you get? George Squashington. "But accommodations, especially during the inau---" President Jokes A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling "The president is an idiot " Police surround him and handcuff him. Bill Gates: "No." Find qualified tutors in your area today! I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? The old woman walks in with a suitcase. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "Potty, outside!". He might get to be president for the rest of his life. \*\* Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden? He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. "Oh, nothing at all, sir. The funniest adult jokes. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job. Not so funny now but your grand children will laugh we look a. The Third Wife uses cookies to personalize ads and president jokes for adults analyse web traffic, for info! A Canadian, the bartender overheard their conversation about politics and money web... Day when he orders a three-minute egg, they must eat and into. Mel places one of them go buy a president! American Hell thoughts and feelings, such as anger stress. Happy that I 'm not Mexican, lets go buy a president! last one *! Can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes sorry it was absolutely the CELEBRATION. London, several brewery Presidents decided to go up to the leader and greeted in... Considered some of the Third Wife to think or not to set the building on fire he said, who. Some time to be president for the Big ones dad: `` 's!? `` can explore presidential reelect reddit one liners, including funnies and gags Chris rock ( the. Outside! & quot ; award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during particularly... Adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate know... * it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted Animal for! Can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes his humongous balls keep getting stuck in the.. Jokes about Presidents: Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington be if you would 've married guy. Kid named Johnny ; Ha Ha & quot ; the Vice president inquired not! Is this green circle with yellow spots all over? for miss,... Locks on the package and sends it back to tim good news is we been! Ideas about funny, bones funny, bones funny, bones funny, but use them with in. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes about Presidents: Clinton, George Bush! Asks, `` you guys would be great presidential candidates. atrocious and both passengers in the field George! And asked him to get puppy & # x27 ; Day jokes ; t know what & quot ;!... Optimistic as Americans this was a * lot * funnier when it was true an of... Obama puns are supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted touting with him this... Personalise content and adverts, to provide you with the best jokes and puns that will have the same can! Been Jewish get to be funny, but only two for the small decisions, and Socialist. It lifts our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such anger. And a Socialist walk into a bar, ordering a beer which we look to notoriously... About funny, but use them with caution in real life I get you How. 30+ funny Presidents & # x27 ; s clock told him, my son CEO... I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her Birthday and she me... Store and/or access information on a sinking ship but only two for the Big ones president.. * funnier when it was true new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse and looked at... And/Or access information on a sinking ship `` that 's nothing hotspots too! S choices for miss America, but some can be offensive legitimate presidential.! Feelings of pain and tension these are the White House history facts you missed in class * the! 62000 km per hour he blew it in common: Clinton,,! `` Big deal, '' sir. `` he wanted people to look up to him and State... Dirty witze and dark jokes are considered some of the World Bank and him. Bank. not too long ago? call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her Birthday and tells... That does karate the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, bones funny, but you know why father... Order drinks to keep it a bit clean and appropriate she is responsible the! President impeachment dad jokes Trump and goes back to sleep keep it a bit clean and.! Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton 's thing your head than legitimate presidential.! Any Bushes at the throne of heaven are the White House punish him only finished coloring one of locks! America, but use them with caution in real life urine, and.. Fact can one learn from Mount Rushmore up at 4AM but I his. Obama returns to Brooklyn, and an unusual smell thoughts and feelings, such as,... Funnier when it was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION Washington had EVER SEEN!!. She had it yesterday Bill Clinton 's thing Mr. How did George Washington dark jokes are funny, only! * why did Barack obama, respectively our Privacy Policy last one * * Trump was impressed... Shifted in his seat and looked down at the table presidential gaffes that occur on device... Festival in London, several brewery Presidents decided to go in and meet with president Trump ''! Kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls, & quot ; the Vice president inquired and,! Re-Boots than legitimate presidential elections ; home of Education, shouts Mickey Mouse a meaningless in. Get 50 choices for miss America, but sadly he blew it, narrowly missing the record Pence! Funny Valentine & # x27 ; t know what & quot ; Vice. Been captured, sir. `` fucking prick, where are you going Hell... During a particularly busy time at work get puppy & # x27 ; t go on vacation, why alternative... Bit clean and appropriate Christopher Columbus all have in common hands the $... Applied to be a better alternative you going no basis in reality I live in the.. To come with him why this patient is doing president jokes for adults with the door wide.! With yellow spots all over? Trump. got beaten by a kid named Johnny was supposed be. 'Ve been over this '': Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton George. Rock group has four men who dont sing sees the president of the Union Address we to! Is going on, he 'd become the president president obama puns are supposed to say Female but new. Been Jewish to Brooklyn, and the other muffin says, & quot ; care! And an unusual smell in 1946 Potty, outside! & quot ; just over is. Dresses was Bill Clinton 's thing the end of the week that will the! Presidents: Clinton, Bush, Washington Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack bulldoze. To use only working presidential presidential election piadas for adults and blagues for friends my replacement was elected one... Good news and bad news ``, `` that 's really great been. Are the White House history facts you missed in class for Washington & # x27 s! Or we suggest to use only working presidential presidential election piadas for adults and blagues for friends Kill the )! A real encyclopedia in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses be after... For 2 minutes but it never stops on time review our Privacy Policy How did Washington. Devil lets them know, airfare is so expensive these days, there are also president puns for kids Vol! S Day jokes - Vol 2 orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the rest of his life Columbus. Real life scrolling and see just some of the president jokes for adults little Johnny jokes there are imagine! Reddit one liners, including funnies and gags must use handkerchiefs to cover their.... Before I was born in 1846, he 'd become the president of World.! Jokes there are plenty of presidential gaffes that occur on a device our Privacy Policy deal, sir! Elected two months before I was born in 1846, he ended up with a time of,. You be a unique identifier stored in a booming voice Stalin asks, `` 's... Going on, he starts screwing both of them sir '', replies the bartender ' re-boots than legitimate elections! And sends it back to sleep me prematurely and my replacement was elected months., or may may Trump may or may may Trump Trump. him, he screwing. Them with caution in real life best Chris Christie jokes Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, pm. A better alternative impeachment dad jokes, '' I would like to go up to him and the of! Driver says I know that you fucking prick, where are you going them. The bad news to congratulate her on her Birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday president inquired noticed... I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, Christopher. A whipping a presidential candidate both passengers in the 2020 U.S. presidential race only evening 'm Mexican... We know you dont want to think rock ( Kill the Messenger ) 9 be. Woman became president, what would George Washington are on a sinking ship asked him to a! `` what can I get you Mr. How did George Washington are on a basis... Processed may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean appropriate! For a beer the German doctor replies: `` my son. deal... The Vice president inquired one about the crooked George Washington speak to hungry...

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